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篇名: 媽媽桃樂絲
作者: 大川隆法書迷 日期: 2015.10.29  天氣:  心情:
Mama

I can hardly put into words

Those feelings rooted deep in my soul

How can I explain it? At nights

I stay awake because of haunting thoughts

It's you, mum, I recall again and again

My dear, my sweet one, please forgive me

For I've always been so stubborn

Have been searching for hard ways



Forgive me, my dear, for parting with you

For my occasional letters

In my thoughts I kiss your hand

And your tightly pressed lips



I often cry when I remember

How I used to hurt you at times

Forgive me, my dear!

Forgive me with love for the last time

How much I failed to understand...

And I still have to understand so much!

It seems that I loved too little

If I failed to experience love...



Forgive me, my dear, for parting with you

For my occasional letters

In my thoughts I kiss your hand

And your tightly pressed lips



Your love is love without measure

Your hopes and dreams...

Forgive me for my impertinent manners

Which upset you so much

Now I know more about life

I managed to understand a lot of things

I remember all your care

Longing to embrace you.



Forgive me, my dear, for parting with you

For my occasional letters

In my thoughts I kiss your hand

And your tightly pressed lips


  當拉曼媽媽收到我傳的Vitas-Mama時,說:




"I can never thank you enough for this moment."


  拉曼的猝死,就像高掛天上的一顆極為閃亮的星星剎那殞滅,一聲驚嘆都來不及,留下一群錯愕心碎的人。而我不是心碎兩字形容得了,而是化為粉塵了,我根本不知道我的心去哪了!

  我安裝的不過是一顆金屬的心,用來安慰心碎的人,我是他的唯一遺屬,還得安慰他的家屬。在所有人的眼中,我是他最親近的人,如果連我都不知道原因,誰又知道;如果我不替他說話,誰能張口?


  拉曼跟我的關係,並非只是一個男友!美國人承認的伴侶關係不是婚姻而已,很多人不喜歡法律上的關係,但對伴侶的忠誠和重視程度並不亞於婚姻。


  很多網友想,不就是失去一個男友而已,他們前後都不知道換了幾任了,甚至還有人冷嘲熱諷說"不要自以為悲壯",也有說甚麼我緊閉心扉之類的酸酸怪留言。

  我的現實生活裡哪來搞自閉的奢侈?除了自己外,還得幫一堆人付帳單呢。誰能活在地球上卻能全然免除責任和義務?

  對拉曼的死因,我前思後想,想了快一整個月,他是個耶魯畢業生,又精通七國語言,可以說才華尚未完全發揮就離開人世,而平庸如我卻活了下來。我不朝業障不業障方面去設想,而往和人世的因緣和意願去推想。 

 






媽媽永恆的情人是兒子,不論兒子是在天上或地上,媽媽永遠掛念著他!


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